


Say Goodbye to Varric For Me

by thethreepassages



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:17:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4419116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thethreepassages/pseuds/thethreepassages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric gets the news that Hawke didn't make it out of the fade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Goodbye to Varric For Me

He held onto the side of the table with all his might trying to stay upright. His sense of balance gone and his vision wavering, blurring in and out of focus. He collected himself just enough to climb up to the battlements. He filled with agony with every worn stone step. When he finally reached the top there was nothing left of his composure and everything crashed down onto him. His stomach turned and head throbbed and every part of his body ached until it felt numb. Gone. So final. So absolute. He collapsed against the wall and his head fell into his hands.

Why hadn't that blasted grey warden stayed instead? Wasn't it their job to make the ultimate sacrifice? It was all they ever fucking talked about. That taint poisoned bastard had let her do it. She was gone to him. She was the closest thing he had left to family. She was his shining piece of perfection in this shit world. He took a moment and remembered her every feature. The way her raven hair shone in the firelight, the tiny and tilted smirk she made right before she made a smart assed remark. Oh Maker and her voice. The delicate charm of her Ferelden accent would never leave him. She wasn't supposed to go like this. She was the champion and champions aren't demon feed. Her life was worth so much more. He was selfish and broken but he knew that he would trade every single warden in exchange for her. If only he could.

Even after everything, she still had a fire in her that no one else would have been able to keep lit. She was always so strong. He shuddered at the thought of her in the past tense and he couldn't comprehend the absolute emptiness that filled him. When he heard,everything good had gone from the world. There was nothing left but bitterness, suffering, and death. He brought his trembling hands together and tried to regain some composure. But as he forced his eyes open, hot tears poured out and his lips trembled.

_"Hawke."_

He whispered in a broken voice like a prayer. He didn't want an answer from the ancestors, not Andraste or even the blighted maker himself. He wanted, no _**needed her**_. He needed her to say sarcastic shit at all the wrong times and be kind and forgiving in the moments that really mattered. She was a twisted mess of loss and compassion and she hid it with a grin that made everything else in the world fade away. Varric had made sure that she knew he was there for her. In that moment it was all he could hold onto. He spent everyday with that stubborn woman but she must have known.

After the mess in Kirkwall they had held onto each other like their own ships were sinking, unable to stay afloat without the other. And now she had gone off and sunk without him. It wouldn't have been so bad to have gone out with her, but the two of them couldn't have ever had that kind of a bittersweet ending. Varric would have considered that a victory, and he had written enough to know that Hawke was one walking, talking tragedy.

He wiped away his tears with a gloved hand and grabbed Bianca from his back. He stroked the metal brackets on the crossbow and his fingers ran over every wound and imperfection that had developed over the years. He slowly caressed the groove that had been cut out by a Silent Sister's arrow. A tiny scorch mark that one of Daisy's fireballs had made. And that scratch right next to the trigger that happened sometime during the battle of Kirkwall. He smiled at the memory. It seemed like an unimportant event from a lifetime ago. His crossbow named for the woman he had loved, and in many ways still did, now only reminded him of the human woman he loved with everything he had. Varric chucked at the notion. He would never rename the crossbow, but he smiled at the thought of Hawke being forever associated with it. Bianca was his first love and he would always keep a place for her in his heart, but Hawke had become so much more. If Bianca was a shining star, Hawke was the evening sky. She was his dearest friend, his closest advisor, his best and worst influence. Marian Hawke had become part of himself and he wished he would have told her. The dwarf who had such a way with words could never find a way to express himself to her. But by Andraste she must have known. He really hoped she knew.

He slowly got to his feet and paced around the battlements for what felt like hours. He thought about her and his self pity and made the decision. With determination he began to march down the steps and back to the great hall. He was careful to stop the flow of tears and worked to look collected. He reached the large circular room adorned in murals, and let out a sigh of relief when he saw the elf sitting at the desk, enthralled in a book. Varric approached him with confidence and Solas' eyes drifted up from his reading. The elf opened his mouth to offer his sympathies but before he could utter a syllable Varric cut him off.

"So what do you know about entering the fade?"

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sad about these two at the moment and apparently needed to write some sad Varric. I noticed that there was a serious shortage of these two and I wanted to add some fic to the tag. I love everything about Hawke and Varric and this fic could be interpreted platonic or romantic. I'm trying to get better so if you see anything wrong (spelling/formatting/whatever) or have suggestions I'd love to hear them. Please be nice though, I don't need to have my ass chewed over this I'm just looking to become a stronger writer. Thanks for the read. Cheers.


End file.
